Love bombing is a form of psychological and emotional manipulation where someone showers you with excessive affection, attention, and gifts to gain control over you. This behavior often starts at the beginning of a relationship and can feel overwhelming and intense. Here are some key signs of love bombing:

1. Excessive Flattery and Praise: Constant compliments and declarations of love.
2. Over-Communication: Frequent messages and calls, often demanding immediate responses.
3. Lavish Gifts: Giving expensive or numerous gifts early in the relationship.
4. Rapid Commitment: Pushing for quick exclusivity or future plans.
5. Isolation: Discouraging you from spending time with friends and family.
6. Emotional Dependence: Making you feel indebted or dependent on their affection.

While it might initially feel flattering, the ultimate goal of love bombing is to manipulate and control the other person. It’s often associated with individuals who have narcissistic tendencies or insecure attachment styles.

Why Do People Love Bomb?

Love bombing frequently originates from insecurities related to trust and reliance on others. Individuals often engage in love bombing to assert control within a relationship and induce guilt in others for challenging their behavior. While love bombing can be a deliberate form of manipulation, some may not be aware that they are engaging in it. 

While romantic partners are often associated with love bombing, this behavior can also come from friends and family. Typically, love bombing is a manipulative strategy employed by individuals with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which makes them feel self-important and deserving of constant attention and admiration.

Additionally, love bombing can be a behavior that is learned. Individuals might engage in love bombing as a result of influences such as parental behavior, childhood trauma, or previous abusive relationships.

What Are the Signs?

Signs of love bombing can differ among individuals, but generally, it involves overwhelming and undesired grand gestures. Instead of feeling cherished, you might initially experience discomfort. 

Different signs of love bombing include:

• Boundaries are ignored: A love bomber doesn’t like to be told no or listen to healthy boundaries. If you say you feel overwhelmed or need them to stop a behavior, they may argue they’re doing it for your best interest. 
• Constantly calling or texting you to check in: Your partner may ignore your schedule and not respect your time by communicating constantly. They can also become irritated if you don’t respond when they are “concerned” about you. 
• Constantly praising or complimenting: Your partner always seems to say the right thing, but compliments seem exaggerated. They may also become overly interested in your hobbies and accomplishments. 
• Giving unnecessary or unwanted gifts: A love bomber may pay for extravagant and unwanted gifts to make you think they love you and have your best interest at heart. These gifts may be too much, and a love bomber will remind you about them like a debt.
• Over-the-top declarations of love or admiration: A love bomber may tell you they love and flatter you constantly, often too early in a relationship. They may also like over-the-top public displays of affection and demand your attention.
• Rushing into a relationship: They may make intense plans for a future together early into a relationship. A love bomber may also declare you’re their soulmate or rush a committed relationship before you really know them.

These signs differ from those in a loving, healthy relationship and can often be unsettling. Love bombing, characterized by excessive communication and overwhelming expressions of affection, violates healthy boundaries. A love bomber may react negatively to attempts at setting boundaries.

Such actions can be immediate red flags, yet you might find yourself doubting this because your partner seems caring and affectionate. Love bombing is a type of emotional manipulation similar to gaslighting, which can lead you to question your own feelings and wonder if you are the issue. It may cause you to believe that the love bomber truly cares for you and that you ought to feel thankful.

Why Is It Harmful?

Love bombing is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. The behavior is manipulative and can be emotionally abusive. Love bombing is often a domestic abuse tactic used to gaslight someone so a partner can isolate and control them. The person experiencing love bombing will likely struggle with their mental health and become stuck in an unhealthy, abusive relationship.

The emotional abuse can worsen and become physical as love bombing progresses. Love bombing is often part of a narcissistic abuse cycle, which includes:

1. Idealization: Your partner showers you with gifts and affection early in a relationship. You may feel like you’re in a whirlwind romance or other intense, caring relationship. This person constantly tells you how much they love you and plans a future with you. They are also in constant communication and become deeply interested in everything you do and have to say. 
2. Devaluation: These grand gestures and compliments can make you comfortable with the relationship. However, your partner may start to demand more of your time or become irritated if you don’t spend all your time with them. They may gaslight you or use physical violence to intimidate you if you second-guess your feelings based on these red flags.
3. Discarding: You confront your partner and try to set boundaries when you realize their behavior is unhealthy. They refuse to compromise or blame you for their actions in retaliation. Your partner may suddenly end the relationship, leaving you feeling like it was your fault. They may also immediately replace you with a new partner.

If you ever feel overwhelmed or pressured in a relationship, it’s important to take a step back and evaluate the situation. Have you ever experienced or noticed any of these signs in a relationship?

Medically reviewed by Kira Graves, PhD / SHW Research